My Baby is One Year Old

My baby is one year old.

I don’t think I’ve ever grown so much in my whole life in such a short time.

I spent all day thinking, one year ago, at this very moment… while I brushed my teeth before bed last night, I thought about how the contractions would be just picking up; early morning waking up, today with Q giggling between us, is when we first called our doula; I made breakfast during the time we were driving in rush hour traffic at the height of transition; while Q took his afternoon nap, I marvelled that just one year ago at this moment we had been lying in bed with a very tiny almost-stranger processing the shock and awe. All day memories flooded back as I looked with disbelief at the child who is almost walking, who demands I shake the parachute harder, faster, longer, who tips cups up so swiftly that he nearly drowns in the liquid before going back immediately for more, who has filled my every waking – and what feels like nearly every sleeping – moment, for 365 days, with pride, agony, worry, doubt and so so so much joy.

I cannot hope to say it better than author Elizabeth Lesser who has been an incredible inspiration for me on this journey.

“Parenting in all of its stages is a path with mythic twists and turns, a spiritual practice of the highest order. If your spiritual goal is to embrace life, moment by moment, in both its rapture and its pain, then parenting can get you there every day. Holy texts throughout the ages tell us that the truth is to be found between the seeming opposites in life—between your own will and a greater will; between limits and liberty; between the call to care for others and the need to care for yourself. In the parent/child relationship these concepts become supremely real. And you get excellent feedback every day from the most demanding master—your own kid—whose spiritual specialty is in teaching you how to keep on loving even when you are tired, scared, confused, or pissed off. Isn’t that what every seeker is after?”

Tonight, during happy hour at our place, a dear neighbour and friend pulled me aside. “It’s your birthday, too, you know.” On the verge of tears of gratitude and deep communion, I smiled. She said, “This day will always be special, and you will always remember it like it was yesterday. My sons are grown and I still think of the day I became a mother.”

My baby is one year old.

Happy birthday to us both.

One Comment Add yours

  1. Finished this one with a tear in my eye. Happy birthday to you both.


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